For what it’s worth …

So there is yet another scandal at the BBC, which has been hit by a string of unsavoury revelations about some of its presenters. In this instance, it is the as yet unnamed presenter who has allegedly paid a young adult – someone 17 years old – up to £35,000 to post for sexually explicit photographs. People jumped onto social media to point out that the age of consent in the UK is 16, so what crime has been committed? Well, whilst the age of consent is 16, puzzlingly it is illegal to distribute sexually explicit photographs of anyone under the age of 18. We must forget, of course, that in the 1980s The Sun launched a countdown leading up to glamour model Sam Fox’s 16th birthday so they could feature her on their topless Page 3. So, strictly speaking this presenter has broken the law, and faces the prospect of being sent to prison and/or being placed on the Sex Offender’s register. In any case, his career will be over, and if he is married, that too will be jeopardized.

It made me think about the things we do, the stupid mistakes we make, and the time we subsequently have to contemplate how we have messed up our lives. Okay, so not everyone has messed up. Some people are just angelic and never make mistakes, or if they do, they aren’t life destroying ones. But the rest of us do fuck up. In my case, alcohol was the demon, and I lived to party. I was convicted for drinking and driving on two occasions, and almost went to prison for the second offence. My addiction to alcohol was intense. It ruined friendships, relationships and I made stupid, spur-of-the-moment decisions which cost me a couple of jobs. Now I don’t drink, and I thank my lucky stars that I didn’t end up inside.

Speaking of which, I worked as a prison officer, on a Lifer Wing, and I met lots of murderers and rapists. It is difficult for most people to comprehend how someone can throw their baby against a wall, strangle their wife, or stab their girlfriend and their girlfriend’s mother to death with a screwdriver. These are some of the worst mistakes people can make, and demonstrate just how the majority of us are fortunate enough to have some kind of internal inhibitor in place to prevent us from stepping over that particular line. There were men who had got involved in a drunken brawl and had killed their opponent with the infamous “one-punch”. There but for the grace of God go many of us. And there were those who had committed sexual offences.

The problem with sexual offences – other than the nature of the act – is that humans lose control when they become aroused. We are at our most vulnerable, our most exposed, when we are ready to take part in a sexual act. Think of a one-night-stand. You met someone just a couple of hours earlier. You go back to theirs. You kiss, you get turned on, you get naked. With a complete stranger. All of your bits exposed to someone you barely know. We block out our inhibitions – we have to – and we let the animal take over.

Now, I’m not condoning sexual offences, much in the same way as I don’t condone murder. I don’t condone theft, robbery, burglaries or any crime, in fact. Other than refusing to pay your TV licence, of course (and perhaps after this latest scandal, that’s not a bad thing). What I am saying is that in the past, if a man (we’ll say “man”, though women get up to the same things some of the time) wanted to get his jollies, he went to the local newsagent, waited until the shop was empty, and then rushed to the counter with a copy of grumble mag in their sweaty palms. They returned home and … well, it was a solitary act. Nowadays, porn is literally everywhere, and it’s free. How do people make money from porn? I have no idea. But back in the day, if you wanted a porn film, you had to know a bloke who knew a bloke, and he’d get you a well worn VHS cassette with a film of a plumber coming round to fit a washing machine and … well, you get the picture. But it’s different now. It’s far, far easier to lose your inhibitions on the Internet. Anonymity is pretty much guaranteed, if you know how to hide who you are. Chat rooms full of fantasists will provide you with people who share your darkest fantasies. And when caught up in that moment, it’s easy to take things too far. The fantasy becomes shared photographs of your wife naked, or shared photographs of something utterly illegal. Afterwards, there are feelings of shame, but they lessen over time. Until one day, you take things too far, you’re a well-known face, you pay some young lad £35,000 for some nudes, and then you send him a photograph of yourself in your undies.

And now you’ve gone too far and your life is ruined.

For what it’s worth, this presenter will be going through hell at the moment. Maybe he deserves it, but perhaps he doesn’t. If you’re a man and you look at porn, the next time you’re doing that, stop for a minute and imagine what it would be like if the person sharing that porn exposed you. Would that exposure ruin your life, cost you your job? Your marriage? Your relationship with your children? You might be looking at nothing which is illegal, but there’s a good chance the exposure would mean your life would never be the same again.

A fictional character once said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” And that’s a good maxim to adhere to.

PS – I have nothing dodgy to hide on my computers, and as someone who has had his devices seized and searched by the anti-terrorism police, I can prove it!

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If you spot any typos in this post, let me know so I can correct them. I’ll even give you a mention.